he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
