I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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