allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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