I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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