Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
