"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
