and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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