Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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