i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
