He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
