I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
