Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
