The brown eye won't let me do that either.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
