so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
