ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I deserve this hangover.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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