a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
