Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
