yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is my gift to your gina
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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