I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
