dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
