I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just found puke in my bra..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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