I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
