The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
