Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
