i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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