hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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