Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
