How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
