And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
