Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize