I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
