yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
