Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
