just come out here and I will go home with you...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
