The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
