this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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