Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
vagina is talking i cant
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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