So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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