so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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