I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
