Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
