Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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