Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize