Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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