either way he was missing a nipple.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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