May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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