R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
