u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
