I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize