Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you would pick up someone in the library
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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