i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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