There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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