This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
