watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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