i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
