i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize