Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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