Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
