my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
