If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
