I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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