im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
