he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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