Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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