Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
