Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
