Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
