Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
