You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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