My nipple is on Facebook.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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