Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
