hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The uberlube is also flammable
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
