you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
