i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
