normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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