Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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