my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
