I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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