Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize