she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
