Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
