You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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