I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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