Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
