when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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