Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
