YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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