the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize