I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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