Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
