Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
