Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
