so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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