Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This baby is an asshole
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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