I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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