I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
