im six kinds of drunk right now
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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