I've blown a few things in my day
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Text me some of your sweat
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
