Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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