So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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