I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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