It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
