So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i've created a new STD.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
