My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
