Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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