i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
