I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
True college students do jello shots in the library
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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