u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
