i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
