is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
