forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think people are normalizing furries
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
