I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize