pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
