Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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