Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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